Your Horoscope For Today-Weird Al Yankovic

[ti:Your Horoscope For Today] [ar:"Weird Al" Yankovic] [al:Running With Scissors] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Your Horoscope For Today - Weird Al Yankovic (“怪人奥尔”扬科维奇) [00:12.05]AQUARIUS [00:12.70]There's travel in your future when your tongue [00:15.05]Freezes to the back of a speeding bus [00:17.65]Fill that void in your pathetic life [00:20.12]By playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day [00:22.68]PISCES [00:23.25]Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos [00:25.63]With the Ebola virus [00:27.61]You are the true Lord of the Dance [00:30.72]No matter what those idiots at work say [00:32.65]ARIES [00:33.26]The look on your face will be priceless [00:35.10]When you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon [00:38.14] [00:38.68]Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf [00:41.20]Then give a hickey to Meryl Streep [00:42.86]TAURUS [00:43.23]You will never find true happiness [00:45.13] [00:45.67]What you gonna do cry about it [00:48.20]The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up [00:51.03]Do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep [00:53.83]That's your horoscope for today [00:55.27]That's your horoscope for today [00:57.08]Yay yay yay yay yay [00:59.06]That's your horoscope for today [01:01.85] [01:04.32]That's your horoscope for today [01:05.94]That's your horoscope for today [01:07.29]Yay yay yay yay yay [01:09.14]That's your horoscope for today [01:12.18] [01:13.88]GEMINI [01:14.48]Your birthday party will be ruined once again [01:17.22]By your explosive flatulence [01:19.31]Your love life will run into trouble [01:21.15]When your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest [01:24.13]CANCER [01:24.44]The position of Jupiter says that you should spend [01:27.05]The rest of the week face down in the mud [01:30.01]Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose [01:32.89]While taking your driver's test [01:34.49]LEO [01:34.76]Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt [01:37.34]And staple it to your boss's face oh no [01:40.02]Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding [01:41.99]Then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik [01:45.00]VIRGO [01:45.46]All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent [01:49.51]Except for you [01:50.36]Expect a big surprise today [01:52.68]When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick [01:55.67]That's your horoscope for today [01:57.52]That's your horoscope for today [01:58.91]Yay yay yay yay yay [02:00.74]That's your horoscope for today [02:03.61] [02:05.98]That's your horoscope for today [02:07.57]That's your horoscope for today [02:09.06]Yay yay yay yay yay [02:11.10]That's your horoscope for today [02:13.82] [02:15.98]Now you may find it inconceivable [02:17.34]Or at the very least a bit unlikely [02:19.10]That the relative position of the planets [02:21.16]And the stars could have a special deep significance [02:23.06]Or meaning that exclusively applies to only you [02:25.46]But let me give you my assurance [02:26.98]That these forecasts and predictions [02:28.33]Are all based on solid scientific documented evidence [02:31.04]So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize [02:33.42]That every single one of them is absolutely true [02:35.59]Where was I [02:36.31]LIBRA [02:36.71]A big promotion is just around the corner [02:39.34]For someone much more talented that you [02:41.84]Laughter is the very best medicine [02:43.95]Remember that when your appendix bursts next week [02:46.57]SCORPIO [02:47.01]Get ready for an unexpected trip [02:49.31]When you fall screaming from an open window [02:51.70]Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem [02:55.70]You stupid freak [02:56.81]SAGITTARIUS [02:57.63]All your friends are laughing behind your back [03:00.45] [03:01.31]Kill them [03:02.17]Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine [03:05.44]You've got hanging in your den [03:07.05]CAPRICORN [03:07.23] [03:07.90]The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person [03:11.43]But you know they're lying [03:12.85]If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows [03:14.62]And never never never never never leave my house again [03:18.09]That's your horoscope for today [03:20.03]That's your horoscope for today [03:21.19]Yay yay yay yay yay [03:23.21]That's your horoscope for today [03:25.93] [03:28.33]That's your horoscope for today [03:30.08]That's your horoscope for today [03:31.65]Yay yay yay yay yay [03:33.45]That's your horoscope for today [03:36.21] [03:38.69]That's your horoscope for today [03:40.44]That's your horoscope for today [03:41.72]Yay yay yay yay yay [03:43.76]That's your horoscope for today [03:46.34] [03:49.01]That's your horoscope for today [03:51.51] [03:52.19]Yay yay yay yay yay [03:54.10]That's your horoscope for today